why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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