Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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