my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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