look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
