I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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