Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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