At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
