I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
