watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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