I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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