Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
