Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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