We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
