I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
