I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
