We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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