i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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