I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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