Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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