party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
