I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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