He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so let's talk penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
