You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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