How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
