So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
