literally had 100 drinks last night.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
