Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
