I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
