I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
PANTIES FOUND
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
