I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
