do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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