you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
