omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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