i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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