I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
COCAINE IS GR8
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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