Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize