I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
