you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
