im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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