it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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