Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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