but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
