I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
