I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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