worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
