How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
