i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
