if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
