And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
