wanna go halves on a baby?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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