i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
