I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
