you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
