I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
