The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They have beer where we have blood.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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