can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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