I just saw a hot homeless man
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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