i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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