About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
