A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
