i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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