A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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